Apparently, I Had Friends All Along

Sometimes you don't realize what you have because you're too busy looking at what you don't.

After writing my last blog about friendship, I realized something.

I got it wrong.

Not completely.

But enough that I need to correct myself.

I spent so much time thinking about the friendships I didn't have.

The friendships I thought were real but weren't.

The people I thought would be there for me who weren't.

The people who I now realize may have been more interested in what I could do for them than who I actually was.

And I spent so much time thinking about the one truly great friendship I've had in my life—Judy—and wondering if I would ever find something like that again.

But while I was thinking about all the people I didn't have...

I forgot about the people I actually do have.

And that's on me.

Because about three years ago, something happened that changed my life in a way I never expected.

I got Remmie.

And because Remmie needed a social life, I started going to the dog park.

I thought I was taking my dog to run around.

I had no idea I was going to meet some of the most amazing people I've ever known.

Welcome to the Dog Park

I'm going to refer to everyone by their dogs' names.

Because that's how I know them.

I'm not sure I even know some of their real names anymore.

Okay, that's not entirely true.

But when you're at a dog park, people become:

Patton's mom.

Sarg's parents.

Teddy and Candy's mom.

Ryder's dad.

Bindi and Faye's parents.

And somehow, that's enough.

Because what brings us together isn't what we do for a living.

It isn't how much money we make.

It isn't what kind of house we live in.

It isn't our resumes.

It's our dogs.

And somewhere along the way...

it became so much more than that.

Patton's Mom

The first person I really remember meeting was Patton's mom.

She is one of the most friendly and loving people you could ever meet. The kind of person who would do anything for anyone.

And I genuinely wish that people would do the same for her.

That's just the kind of person she is.

And then there's Patton.

Patton doesn't care about any of this.

Patton only cares about the cars.

It doesn't matter what we're talking about.

It doesn't matter who is at the park.

It doesn't matter what the other dogs are doing.

If a car drives by, Patton has a job to do.

I think he has appointed himself head of security.

His mom wants everyone to be happy and get along.

Patton?

Patton wants to monitor traffic.

Maybe that's their secret to a great relationship.

She takes care of the people.

He takes care of the cars.

Everybody has a purpose.

Sarg's Parents

Then there are Sarg's parents.

They have had an amazing life.

She's a retired teacher.

He's a retired superintendent.

They worked hard, found each other, built a life together and now they're enjoying it.

And I absolutely love watching them.

Because they still date.

Every Friday.

They're in their 80s and they still have date night.

Think about that.

After everything they've done and accomplished in their lives, they still make time for each other.

They speak so highly of one another.

They genuinely seem to enjoy each other's company.

And there's something incredibly beautiful about that.

Sarg, meanwhile, has much simpler goals.

Fetch.

Sarg wants to play fetch.

That's his contribution to the relationship.

He's got life figured out.

His parents love each other.

Sarg gets to play fetch.

Everybody wins.

Ryder's Dad

Then there's Ryder.

Ryder is 14.

He's an old man now, so there isn't any running around the park for him. He's way past that.

Ryder's idea of a good day is coming to the park, finding his spot, watching everything going on and just relaxing.

And his dad brings him.

Rain or shine.

That alone says a lot about their relationship.

Ryder gets to spend his day doing exactly what he wants to do—which apparently is mostly sitting around supervising everyone else—and his dad makes sure he gets that chance.

And then there's Ryder's dad.

He's there to talk.

And talk.

He's one of those people you can have a conversation with about just about anything. He's got something to say, a story to tell, or an opinion to share.

And I'll admit it...

He's probably more of a talker than a listener.

But you know what?

Sometimes that's exactly what I need.

Sometimes I don't need someone to analyze everything I'm saying.

I don't need advice.

I don't even necessarily need someone to listen to every word.

Sometimes I just need to sit at the dog park, listen to someone talk about life, laugh a little, and let my brain take a break from itself.

And Ryder's dad has given me plenty of those moments.

Maybe that's another thing I've learned about friendship.

Not every friend has to give you the same thing.

Some people listen.

Some people talk.

Some make you laugh.

Some make you think.

Some show up when you need them.

And some bring their 14-year-old dog to the park rain or shine because that's what they do.

Maybe friendship isn't about finding someone who checks every box.

Maybe it's about appreciating what each person brings into your life.

And Ryder and his dad?

I'm really glad they came into mine.

And Then There's Bindi and Faye

And then we have Bindi and Faye.

Bindi is Remmie's best friend.

And by "best friend," I mean Remmie has apparently appointed himself Bindi's personal security detail.

Bindi wants one thing:

She wants another dog to run the fence with her.

And Remmie is right there behind her.

I swear he's saying:

"Don't mess with my best friend."

Then there's Faye.

And I truly believe Faye is the reincarnation of Princess Diana.

I can't explain it.

I just know it.

She has that energy.

And then there are their parents.

They worked hard their entire lives and are now retired and enjoying the life they worked so hard to build.

She is a playwright.

He is a retired FDNY firefighter and now does gigs in movies and television.

And the relationship they have is incredible.

They're strong.

They support each other.

They encourage each other.

And they are genuinely each other's biggest fans.

You can see it.

And I love that.

And There Are So Many More

There are so many people I could keep going.

So many stories.

So many dogs.

So many personalities.

So many conversations.

So many laughs.

And that's when I realized something.

These are my friends.

Maybe I didn't recognize it because they didn't fit the definition of friendship I had created in my head.

They weren't necessarily people I spent hours with outside the dog park.

They weren't people I worked with.

They weren't people I had known for decades.

They weren't people I had built my life around.

They were just people I met because we all happened to have dogs.

And somehow...

they became part of my life.

What They Gave Me Without Knowing It

When I think about each of these people, I don't just think about their dogs.

I think about their lives.

Their families.

Their careers.

Their marriages.

Their accomplishments.

Their struggles.

Their stories.

The things they've experienced.

The things they've overcome.

The things they're still doing.

And I realize how fortunate I have been to sit there and listen.

They probably have no idea how much they've given me.

They probably don't know how many times I've left the dog park feeling better than when I arrived.

They probably don't know how many conversations I've thought about later.

They probably don't know how much I admire them.

And they probably don't know how much they've become part of my life and Remmie's life.

That's the thing about friendship.

Sometimes you don't realize you're building it while you're doing it.

You're just sitting at a dog park.

You're talking.

You're laughing.

You're watching your dogs run around like idiots.

You're complaining about something.

You're telling a story.

You're listening to somebody else's story.

And then one day you realize:

These people matter to me.

I Was Looking in the Wrong Place

In my last blog, I talked about how I spent so much of my life looking for the wrong friends.

When I was young, I thought friendship was about what people had.

Later, I thought friendship was about the people I spent the most time with.

Then I thought the people I worked with were my friends because we were together all day.

And somewhere along the way, I forgot something really important.

Friendship isn't about what someone has.

It's not about what they can do for you.

It's not about their job.

It's not about their house.

It's not about their money.

It's not about how long you've known them.

It's about how you feel when you're around them.

Do you feel comfortable?

Can you laugh?

Can you talk?

Can you be yourself?

Do they listen?

Do they care?

Do you care about them?

And when I think about the people at the dog park...

I can answer yes.

And Now I'm Leaving

This is the part that's hard.

Because I'm less than six weeks away from moving to Tennessee.

And I'm excited.

I really am.

I can't wait to be closer to my family.

I can't wait to help with wedding planning.

I can't wait to take walks with my daughter.

I can't wait to meet new people.

I can't wait to find the Tennessee dog park.

Because Remmie and I are going to need to interview some new candidates.

But I'm also sad.

Because I'm leaving people who became part of my life.

People who probably never realized how important they became.

And I don't know what happens next.

Maybe I'll stay in touch with some of them.

Maybe we'll visit.

Maybe we'll text.

Maybe life will take us in completely different directions.

That's the scary thing about starting over.

You don't get to control who stays.

But I'm learning something.

Just because something doesn't last forever doesn't mean it wasn't real.

And these friendships were real.

They mattered.

They still matter.

Thank You

So to Patton's mom.

Sarg's parents.

Ryder's dad.

Bindi and Faye's parents.

And everyone else at that dog park who has shared a laugh, a story, a conversation or just a few minutes with me and Remmie...

Thank you.

You probably don't know it.

But you helped me.

You gave me somewhere to go.

You gave me people to talk to.

You gave Remmie his friends.

You gave me laughter.

You gave me stories.

And you reminded me that friendship doesn't always look the way you expect it to.

I was so busy thinking about the friends I didn't have...

I forgot to appreciate the friends I did.

And maybe that's one of the biggest lessons I'm taking with me to Tennessee.

I'm not starting over with nothing.

I'm taking my family.

I'm taking my memories.

I'm taking Remmie.

I'm taking everything I've learned.

And I'm taking the friendships that found me when I wasn't even looking for them.

Because sometimes...

you don't find your people.

They find you.

Apparently, mine came with dogs.

And I'm pretty damn lucky they did.

Less stuff. Less bullshit. More life.

And maybe...more dog parks