I'm not quite sure how I feel about life.
You know those days when everything seems to be going fine, you're feeling good about your decisions, you're excited about your future, and then one little thing happens and suddenly you're questioning every decision you've made since birth?
That was my day.
And then, just as quickly, things turned around.
Welcome to my brain.
First, My Baby Got Sick
Remmie wasn't feeling well.
Now, for those of you who don't know, Remmie isn't just my dog. He's my baby.
And when my baby is sick, nobody is sleeping.
So there I was, up all night worrying about him, checking on him, making sure he was okay, and probably annoying the hell out of him in the process.
And because we've just moved to Tennessee, we needed to visit a new veterinarian.
A NEW VET.
Do you have any idea how stressful that is?
Who are these people? Are they good? What are their credentials? How long have they been doing this? Do they understand that this is not just a dog?
This is REMMIE.
I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a full background investigation before allowing someone to examine my child.
Fortunately, I ended up loving them.
And here's the funny part. They were originally from about an hour away from where I lived in New York.
For some reason, that made me feel so much better.
Because obviously, being from New York automatically makes someone more qualified to care for my baby
Does that make sense?
Probably not.
Did it make me feel better?
Absolutely.
They believe Remmie may have developed allergies.
Allergies are a thing here in Tennessee.
Who knew?
I moved here expecting beautiful mountains, friendly people, and a fresh start.
Nobody mentioned that Remmie may need to adjust to the local pollen before I could get my life together.
And Then My Brain Decided to Join the Party
After being up all night with Remmie, I was exhausted.
And when I'm exhausted, my brain is not exactly my best friend.
I had plans. I had things to accomplish. I have businesses I'm trying to build, goals I'm trying to reach, and an entirely new life I'm trying to figure out.
What did I accomplish?
Absolutely nothing.
Unless you count sitting around questioning every decision I've ever made.
Because that's productive.
One bad day. That's all it takes.
Suddenly, I'm wondering if moving to Tennessee was the right decision.
Was leaving my career a mistake?
Am I crazy for thinking I can start my own businesses?
What if I fail?
What if everyone who doubted me was right?
And then, because my brain doesn't believe in staying on topic, we start revisiting things from my childhood.
Like the time I was five years old and ate all the icing out of the Oreos, then put the cookie parts back in the cookie jar.
And now here I am wondering if this is some kind of delayed punishment.
Is this karma?
Did the universe wait 47 years to get even with me over a bunch of Oreo fillings?
Because if that's the case, Karma and me need to discuss the statute of limitations.
Welcome to My Brain.
Yes, I know I can go a little off the rails sometimes.
One minute, I'm a confident 52-year-old woman who packed up her entire life, moved to a new state, and decided to become her own boss.
The next minute, I'm questioning whether I should have left New York, started a business, or committed cookie-related crimes in kindergarten.
There's really no middle ground.
And the worst part?
I know I'm doing it.
I can recognize that I'm being ridiculous while continuing to be ridiculous.
It's actually quite a talent.
So after a very long day of accomplishing nothing except mentally reviewing the last five decades of my life, I decided there was only one reasonable thing left to do.
Go to bed.
Sometimes that's the best business decision you can make.
Especially when your brain has started investigating crimes from 1979.
New Day, Same Questionable Decisions
Fortunately, I woke up feeling better.
Remmie was being cared for, I'd finally gotten some sleep, and it was time to get back to work.
Because despite my occasional mental detours, I'm still excited about what I'm building.
I'm working hard on my consulting company, along with my other business ventures.
I'm trying to create something of my own.
Something successful.
Something that allows me to build the life I want instead of spending the rest of my working years building someone else's.
And yes, I have doubts.
Of course I do.
I'm 52 years old, starting over in a new state, without the security of the career I left behind or the comfort of familiar places.
There are people who probably think I've lost my mind.
And some days, I briefly consider the possibility that they may be onto something.
But I want to prove the doubters wrong.
More importantly, I want to prove to myself that I can do this.
I know it's going to take hard work. I know there will be setbacks. And I'm sure there will be more days when I accomplish absolutely nothing except worrying about things I can't control.
But one bad day doesn't mean I've made a bad decision.
Sometimes it just means I've had a bad day.
And maybe I need to give myself a little credit for everything I've already done.
Breaking News: My Netflix Documentary Has Been Canceled
Well, I have some disappointing news for anyone looking forward to my Netflix documentary.
MIDDLE OF THE WOODS: The Cyndee Story has officially been put on hold.
Remmie and I survived our hike with the strangers we met on Facebook.
Not only did we survive, but we had a wonderful time!
The woman I met was so incredibly nice, and Remmie acted like he'd known her pups his entire life.
They even let him lead the pack on our walk through the woods.
And I have to tell you, watching him happily walk along with his new friends was probably the happiest I've seen him since we arrived in Tennessee.
That made me happier than I can explain.
I've been so focused on adjusting to my new life that sometimes I forget Remmie is adjusting to a new life too. He left behind his familiar places, his routine, and his dog park friends.
And today, watching him lead his little pack through the woods, I felt like maybe we're both finally starting to find our place here.
Of course, I was a little disappointed that nobody turned out to be a serial killer.
Not because I wanted to be murdered, obviously.
But I had already picked out the documentary title, and I thought it was pretty good.
Oh well. Maybe Netflix will be interested in a heartwarming series about a middle-aged woman and her dog making friends in Tennessee.
And Now I've Signed Up for Pilates. Who Am I?
As if surviving the woods wasn't enough excitement, I've also signed up for my first Pilates class on Monday.
Yes. Pilates.
I'm making friends, exercising, reading books, starting businesses, and becoming one of those people who willingly signs up for physical activity.
I'm not entirely sure what's happening to me.
I haven't even taken the class yet, and I'm already proud of myself.
We'll see how I feel Tuesday when I discover muscles I didn't know existed.
But here's the thing.
Today, I feel good.
Really good.
Yesterday, I was exhausted, worried about Remmie, questioning my decisions, and mentally investigating an Oreo-related crime I committed when I was 5.
Today, Remmie is happy, I've made another new friend, I'm excited about my businesses, and I'm looking forward to trying something new.
Does that mean my brain won't go completely off the rails again?
Absolutely not.
Let's not get carried away.
I know myself better than that.
But I'm beginning to realize that one bad day doesn't mean I've made a bad decision.
Sometimes I just need a good night's sleep, a little perspective, and a happy dog leading a pack of new friends through the woods.
And today, life is pretty damn good.
So, Am I Making the Right Decisions?
I believe so.
Actually, I know so. I HAVE to make myself successful.
I've already quit my job, moved to another state, and decided I'm going to make a living working for myself.
There's really no turning back now.
I suppose if all these business ventures fail, I could always start an OnlyFans.
Although, I don't really like sports, so I'm not sure how successful I'd be at that either.
But whenever I start questioning myself, I remind myself of one very important fact.
My decisions have to be right.
Because I'm always right.
And that, my friends, is probably why I'm single.